Saturday, June 09, 2012


I am not Androgynous. I have always been a dude. I didn't always think myself a dude. But I am. I am a sensitive dude. I do a pretty good job at not being a asshole. I try not to be super macho. But I am still a dude.

I struggled with it for a long time. I wanted to be the ultimate S.N.A.G. (Sensitive New Age Guy). But I wasn't. I didn't feel comfortable with that. I was too sensitive, it came off as bull shit to myself. I did things in secret because of it. At home I would try to be the ultimate boy friend. I would do all the right things. But then I would be a womanizing drunk on the road. Eventual, it traveled its way back with me to home. I hurt a lot of people, including myself, because of it.

In recent years I have come to terms with my dudeness. I have tried to be happier with myself and do things that make me happy. I have had my failings, in trying to be more honest with myself and others. But I try.

Recently, I exited myself from a relationship that had become unhealthy. I think it started out from a unhealthy stand point. I ignored the signs. I wasn't honest with myself about my strengths and weaknesses. I wasn't honest with what I could handle. I put myself in a situation, that I shouldn't have. I forgot to continue my self work.

I say, "I am not going to beat myself up about it." But I have. One of my most recent inspirations to keep doing better by me, has been my friend Tom Gable who is now known as Laura Jane Grace (of Against Me!). She most recently had a lovely interview published in Rolling Stone about her struggles within herself. Struggling to accept ones self is not unique to any one person. But having someone share their story is reaffirming. (Thank you Laura, for sharing.)

Life if anything, is about being honest to ones self. If you are a dude, be dude. If you are a lady be a lady. If you are a dude who likes dudes, go for it. You like to get down with the ladies, while wearing furry costumes, get to it. Whatever it is that is your true self, be it. Be careful with your self. Have compassion for your self and others. That is what I am relearning.

I can be a sensitive dude. I don't have to be a macho dude. I also don't have to be a doormat to be sensitive. I just have to be true to myself.

Revolution, Self Style, NOW!



PS please enjoy this Youtube clip I found of Joan Jett and Against Me!

Sunday, June 03, 2012

The Kids Want to Rock and Roll

I have tried starting this entry several times. It is difficult. I have a lot going on in my life right now. My tour schedule is fairly non stop for the next few months. I am also in the middle of trying to leave Seattle. Los Angeles has my heart and it always will. I have a few loose ends to tie up in Seattle though. So that is a struggle.

That being said, I feel stronger now then I have in any other time of my life. There are still lots of struggles ahead but I am confident that I can conquer them all. Especially, with the help of my family and friends, I know that I can get it done.

Currently I am out with Foster The People. We are on a day off and I am taking the time for myself. It is important on tour to take time for yourself. If you don't, you get lost. Tour is filled with things to distract from the boredom of it all. Yes, tour can be boring. It can be the most boring fucking thing you have ever done. Not all parties are that fun, not all things free are good, and not all distractions are entertaining. The key is figuring out what will be good for you. Sometimes the party is the thing, sometimes it isn't.

So today, I take for myself. Later, I might check out a movie with some of the dudes. Or I may go alone.

In the mean time, please enjoy some pictures by my buddy Chopper (one of the best guitar techs I know):


And a video by a band I grew up with, PUD: