Saturday, April 29, 2006

Grandmas fight the MAN and WIN!

April 28, 2006
Setting Grandmotherhood Aside, Judge Lets 18 Go in Peace

They came, they shuffled, they conquered.

Eighteen "grannies" who were swept up by the New York City police, handcuffed, loaded into police vans and jailed for four and a half hours were acquitted yesterday of charges that they blocked the entrance to the military recruitment center in Times Square when they tried to enlist.

After six days of a nonjury trial, the grandmothers and dozens of their supporters filled a courtroom in Manhattan Criminal Court to hear whether they would be found guilty of two counts of disorderly conduct for refusing to move, which could have put them in jail for 15 days. The women call their group the Granny Peace Brigade and said they wanted to join the armed forces and thus offer their lives for those of younger soldiers in Iraq.

The women — from 59 to 91, many gray-haired, some carrying canes, one legally blind, one with a walker — listened gravely and in obvious suspense as Judge Neil E. Ross delivered a carefully worded 15-minute speech in which he said his verdict was not a referendum on the Police Department, the defendants' antiwar message or, indeed, their very grandmotherhood.

But, he said, there was credible evidence that the grandmothers had left room for people to enter the recruitment center, and that therefore they had been wrongly arrested.

He then pronounced them not guilty, concluding. "The defendants are all discharged."

The women, sitting in the jury box at the invitation of the judge, to make it easier for them to see and hear, let out a collective "Oh!" and burst into applause, rushing forward, as quickly as women their age could rush, to hug and kiss their lawyers, Norman Siegel, the former head of the New York Civil Liberties Union, and Earl Ward.

"Listen to your granny, she knows best," crowed Joan Wile, 74, a retired cabaret singer and jingle writer who was one of the defendants.

Outside the courthouse minutes later, the women burst into their unofficial anthem, "God Help America," composed by Kay Sather, a member of a sister group in Arizona, the Raging Grannies of Tucson, which goes, "God help America, We need you bad, 'cause our leaders are cheaters, and they're making the world really mad."

The trial was extraordinary, if only because it gave 18 impassioned women — some of whom dated their political activism to the execution of Ethel and Julius Rosenberg — a chance to testify at length about their antiwar sentiments and their commitment to free speech and dissent, in a courtroom that attracted reporters from France and Germany.

Despite the judge's demurrals, the verdict was one in a series of victories for protesters who have been arrested by the New York police since the invasion of Iraq.

While more than 300 people were detained for minor offenses during demonstrations at the 2004 Republican National Convention, few were convicted. Also, earlier this year, a state judge rejected the city's efforts to quash Critical Mass, a monthly bicycle rally in Manhattan.

"I was sure we were sunk," said Lillian Rydell, 86, a defendant who testified during the trial that she went to "the school of hard knocks," instead of college.

"I love everybody," she said. The defendants called themselves "grannies" because they are all old enough to be grandmothers, even if some of them are not, and because in their view, grandmothers are a core American value, as patriotic as mom and apple pie.

Essentially, Judge Ross had found himself with grandmotherhood on trial in his courtroom. He seemed to acknowledge his dilemma when he said, in his decision, "This case is not a referendum on future actions at the location in question, on police tactics nor the age of the defendants or the content of their message."

He said he did not fault the police for making a decision in the heat of the moment to arrest the women last October, but he said that as a judge, he had the "luxury of time and hindsight" in which to consider events.

Before the verdict yesterday, both sides delivered their closing arguments.

The youthful prosecutor, Artie McConnell, allowed that it would be foolish of him to "cross swords" with a veteran civil liberties lawyer like Mr. Siegel on the First Amendment. "Luckily for me," he said, "I don't have to, because that's not what this case is about."

The case, he continued, was about breaking the law. "These defendants do not get a pass for who they are, no matter how noble their cause may be," he said.

If Mr. McConnell stuck to prose, Mr. Siegel did not hesitate to offer poetry. The defendants, he said in his closing, "tried to alert an apathetic public to the immorality, the illegality, the destructiveness and the wrongness of the war in Iraq." The grannies could not be punished for failing to obey a police command if that command violated their constitutional right to protest, he said.

When it was over, the grannies seemed ready to do it again. "The decision today says the First Amendment protects you to protest peacefully," Mr. Siegel said, addressing his clients outside the courthouse after the verdict. "So — go do it!"

And the grannies cheered.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Going to an Awesome show.

I am really excited to go see a band that I really like tonight. I would say they are my fav but I just don't know enough of the words to their songs to back it up.

tonight at the paradox.

Paint it Black (ex Lifetime)
The Loved Ones (ex Lifetime)
The Shook Ones (Bellingham types)

actually I am excited to see them all. but mostly Paint it Black.

Friday, April 21, 2006

What is the fucking deal?

What is it with people beating the shit out of people? Usually it is over the most trivial things.

Here is a repost from a friend of mine. Aparently this dude beat the shit out of this girl.

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Jacquie
Date: Apr 21, 2006 6:47 PM

for those that know heather, she is one of my closest friends and she was just assaulted at convergence in NOLA and her assailant has still currently on the run...

it has been rumored that he has already fled and skipped the LA borders... so I'm guessing at that point it has become a federal matter...

but if ANYONE knows where this guy is please contact the New Orleans POLICE immediately...

the only info I could find is:
New Orleans Police Dept
(504) 658-6080
715 S Broad St
New Orleans, LA 70119

but this is him:
William Hamlet Hunt

this is her:

and this is what he did to her:
"My left cheekbone is fractured in 8 places, broken in 3; my eye socket is broken in two; my nose is broken; my septum is torn; my jaw is fractured in two places; my bite is off and my teeth are misaligned; part of my cheekbone is floating in my cheek; and, if he had kicked me with ONE MORE OUNCE OF PRESSURE I would have died."

please help us find him, if you have ANY information contact the NOLA police department...

New Orleans Police Dept
(504) 658-6080
715 S Broad St
New Orleans, LA 70119

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Fuck Rape.

What the fuck? This guy, from Bainbridge Island, who used to look up to me is such a fucking ass. Over the past ten years or so he has raped and/or beaten a few girls I know. I hate him so much. He skipped town to avoid getting arrested the last time like six years ago.

Last summer, when I was in LA, I ran into him. Literally. I then had to resist beating the fucking shit out of him. I just don't have the bail or means in LA to escape. (at least that's what I tell myself)

Anyways this douche bag is back in Seattle. I ran into him today at Bop Street or is it Bomp Street. Figuratively. He works at this particular record shop in Ballard now. So I walked out. I am not really sure what the fuck to do.

He told me his side of the story and shit just didn't add up. The best being that he didn't beat his GF that he raped but that he watched his friend do it. He said that means he has no fault in it then. What the fuck ever.

So after walking out I get home and check my mail, and Myspace. Well the fucking idiot wrote me a email. Here is my response to his email:

"Why do you even bother? You tried to explain your side. But failed.

I will put it simply. Since the day you decided to be a total dipshit on BI and turn the power off on everybody I have little
respect to you.

What happened Six years ago...whatever. You make me sick. I know the girls that you have abused as a BF or whatever
you want to call yourself. Next time I see Conor I will tell him I think it is fucking stupid for him to play with a talentless
piece of shit like you.

Also just cuz your grandma loves you doesn't mean you are not a fucking asshole.

and for the last time stop fucking talking to me. I don't care that you used to look up to me.

die painfully. "

I admit this isn't my best work but he pisses me off so bad I can't think of anything but to get in and get out. I plan on talking with a few friends about this issue. This way I can come up with a concrete response to this idiot being back in Seattle. I would love to do nothing more than beat him in the stomach till he pukes blood. Chances are that he would stab me in a fight cuz he fights dirty. Also jail doesn't really do me or the situation any good. Any suggestions would be fantastic.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

New Night

NEw Night: EVERY OTHER TUESDAY @ Hattie's Hat.

Starting April 25th it is Every Other Tuesday.

At Hattie's Hat.

DJ JewK Boxx



Playing Punk, Rock, Blues, and Country.


My Wish List


"Deeper shade of soul" -- Urban Dance Squad
any fugazi besides "13 songs" (already got that one)
Hank Williams
"Takes Two" -- Rob Base and DJ Easy-Rock
"I Against I" -- Bad Brains

Hank Williams (Sr. and III)

The Dean Martin roast collection.

Sunday, April 16, 2006


NPR -- American Roots -- Johnny Cash.

The man in black was amazing. It makes me so sad to listen to this story. He did so much for rock and roll / country / music.

Planes Mistaken for Stars got in this weekend and I went to there house in West Seattle they rented. It is fucking awesome with a great view of the Sound and the Olympics.

Easter Bunny Hates You!


old blogs.

This is Harry Taylor:
Image hosting by Photobucket

Despite being interrupted and laughed at by George W. Bush several times, this brave man persevered and said this to the smirking mass murderer we have as president:

"I have never felt more ashamed of nor more frightened by my leadership in Washington, including the presidency, and I feel that despite your rhetoric, that compassion and common sense have been left far behind during your administration, and I would hope that from time to time you have the humility and the grace to be ashamed of yourself."

If you agree, you can go here to thank him for speaking for you:
(click at the bottom where it says "1000 comments" or whatever, and then scroll to the bottom to leave your comment.)

Here's video:

4/8/6 I'm going on tour with PEACHES!

As a drum tech!


Thu-Jun-15 OFF
Fri-Jun-16 Holmdel NJ PNC Bank Arts Center
Sat-Jun-17 Wantagh LI Jones Beach Amphitheatre
Sun-Jun-18 Saratoga SPAC
Mon-Jun-19 OFF
Tue-Jun-20 Hartford New England Dodge Music Center
Wed-Jun-21 Portland ME Cumberland County Civic Center
Thu-Jun-22 OFF
Fri-Jun-23 Boston Tweeter Center
Sat-Jun-24 Toronto Molson Amphitheatre
Sun-Jun-25 Detroit DTE Energy Music Theater
Mon-Jun-26 OFF
Tue-Jun-27 Cleveland Blossom Music Theater
Wed-Jun-28 Columbus Germain Amphitheater
Thu-Jun-29 OFF
Fri-Jun-30 Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Pavilion
Sat-Jul-01 Chicago First Midwest Bank Amphitheater
Sun-Jul-02 Milwaukee Summerfest-Marcus Amphitheater
Mon-Jul-03 Indianapolis Verizon Wireless Music Center
Tue-Jul-04 OFF
Wed-Jul-05 OFF
Thu-Jul-06 OFF
Fri-Jul-07 Irvine Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
Sat-Jul-08 Mountain View Shoreline Amphitheater

3/21/06 11am
Ogden was canceled. We drove to Wyoming. Stayed in a crappy hotel. Van odometer and speedometer stopped working. Denver was awesome. We had competing group kareoke after the show. I have also already eaten twice today. which is nice.

Hung out with marty. and have lost ability to make an interesting blog aparently. oh well.

Totally watching TV Carnage. way awesome.

3/18/06 OH Boise!

Last night the tour was at a house show. it is a really awesome place. one of the cleanest show houses i have ever been to. They had about six cases of 24 oz cans of Genuine Draft. Free with admission! The room that the bands played reminded me of the Goat Haus but smaller. It was great you could hardly hear it outside.

Then after the bands played them made us spaghetti. We all fucked around for a while and talked shit on bush. Watched the kayne west "george bush" speech on the internet. Then Marty and I took off with two funny girls named Shannon and Annie. They draged along their buddy JR and Annies bf and justine the guy that put on the show showed up at the club later. Didn't realize that Boise had their own version of rags to riches meets members only. Excerpt no body cared that they couldn't dance. we even had a circle with the hand claps and people taking turn in the center. You know a place doesn't get down often when people start telling me how good i dance. man they must have been drunker than me.

After closing we went to a house and watched Mean Girls. We also played a wicked game of Ping Pong. The walls and ceiling were in effect. It was awesome balls were flying everywhere! A actually pretty good Teen Movie.

2/7 days done on tour. 2/7 drunken nights. 2/7 shitty meals.

later. I just might still be drunk.

3/17/06 first day Spring Tour! BANANAS!!!!

Left for tour today. First stop Spokane. We took a break at the Summit and busted out the boogie board on the hill. Marty and Greg of Bullet Train to Vegas got into their banana suits. The best part was marty "Surfing" on the boogie board, smoking in his banana suit. He fell got up cigarette still in hand. By the end kids were getting pictures with them. Today so far is way fun.


3/13/06 Finals!
Current mood: apathetic

I guess I do not know how to read a finals schedule. Cuz I just took a final for enviromental science 101 (I did not take that class this quarter). I thought my psc 101 final was at 8 am but its at 10 30. the good news is I think i did really good on the test!

back to studing.

3/7/2006 High School really does suck

Today in my political science 101 class I realized just how stupid the kids coming out of High School are. Don't they make them read anything about the real world? Today we were disccusing the politics/economy of "3rd world" nations. The questions coming out of some of my fellow student's mouths, just blew me away. Quetions like is the third world being forced into globalization? I don't understand how letting them work within there regional economy will help them catch up to us? Why are you so dumb is what I want to ask. How hard is it to understand that we the "1st world" suceed by making them not advance their industries to a competitive advantage. That we live so "well" by making them live like rats in a sewer. The discussions in this class are the type that should have already happened in High School. If a shitty spelling, former college drop out like myself can understand these 101 concepts so should these people.

I know that this rant is somewhat unfocused but I do have this as a conclusion. Only three type of people are produced by our current "education" system.
1) those that get it and use it to be on top of the heap of american industry/hierarch/power structures (i.e. the "man")

2) those that get pissed and either turn it into something productive or at least try not to be a power hungery dick

3) the idiots that don't even care or don't know that they are being fucking raped by the "Man"

am I close or am I just a raving lunatic.

up the PUNX.

3/3/06 Nazis + KKK + Planned Parenthood= Love?????!!!

note: I was unsure of how to grammatically write this. please email me corrections when you see the glaring mistakes.

So yesterday I was on my way across campus to participate in a survey for class. I had to cross red square to get to miller hall. Red square is the free speech zone of the Western Washington campus.
Some very "smart" pro-lifers had a banner up. It had a picture of something Nazi related (I can't remember what) with a Swastika and a Judah star on the picture, below it just said Nazi. Next to it was a picture of a man being lynched the caption read KKK. The final picture was a "fetus" (it looked more like a toy hand in blood to me) laying on a quarter the caption read "10 week 1st trimester fetus" and below the picture it said Planned Parenthood.
I guess no one ever told them that Planned Parenthood doesn't just promote abortions but actually tries to educate people about their sexual choices and health decisions. I would even add that the subtext of Planned Parenthood would be for abortions to no longer be necessary because we would all become responsible human beings, well educated human beings. Not like that is going to happen in our lifetime.

2/28/06 FSU...Fifty Sents United???

Apparently FSU think they are in a 50 Cent video...

Members of punk rock gang behind club violence, say police
08:20 AM PST on Tuesday, February 28, 2006

SEATTLE - Seattle Police arrested members of a punk rock gang accused of unleashing violence on the city's nightlife. Their victims didn't do anything, except to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Police say the group called FSU has been behind at least three unprovoked attacks at punk shows in Seattle recently. Police are now wondering if this weekend they foiled something even bigger.
New York-based punk band The Templars were getting ready to take the stage in Seattle Saturday night, apparently unaware of a potential problem brewing outside.
In the alleys around Studio 7, a live music club in South Seattle, an alert police officer spotted dozens of men with short haircuts, boots and black jackets that read "FSU."
"The officers were concerned because of the numbers and because of the history that they knew they had assaulted some individuals related to different music clubs," said Debra Brown, Seattle Police spokesperson.
According to police reports, officers rounded up 24 suspects. Two of them had handguns. At least three others had knives or brass knuckes, and one was wearing body armor, a bullet proof vest.
Police say they're becoming increasingly concerned about the hardcore punk gang known as FSU.
"There's two different meanings for it," said Brown. "The most common is Friends Stand United."
In clubs, FSU is known by its more vulgar term. It was founded on the East Coast by music fans who claimed they wanted to drive the racist skinhead image out of hardcore punk. But on Internet message boards, some fans say FSU is itself a violent and threatening presence at hardcore clubs.
Management at Studio 7 said FSU has been banned at its club and at least two others in Seattle for prior problems.
One suspect arrested Saturday who had a handgun is a felon. He's behind bars on $30,000 dollars bail. The other gun belonged to an FSU member who has a weapons permit. He wasn't charged, nor was the other member who was wearing body armor. That's legal for non-felons.


World: Europe

Outrage at 'jeans alibi' verdict

MPs say they will protest until the ruling is overturned

Women parliamentarians in Italy donned denim to work on Thursday to protest against an appeal court ruling that a woman wearing jeans could not claim to have been raped.

The BBC's Lindsey Thorne: Women MPs are wearing jeans to work in protest
Five MPs displayed signs reading "Jeans: Alibi for rape" on the steps of the parliament building in Rome.
The protest came after the Supreme Court of Appeal in Rome overturned a rape conviction on Wednesday, saying the supposed victim must have agreed to sex because her jeans could not have been removed without her consent.

David Willey: Case highlights Italy's inadequate rape laws
Alessandra Mussolini, the granddaughter of dictator Benito Mussolini and a right-wing MP, said the ruling "offends the dignity of women."

She vowed to continue the protest until the Constitutional Court overruled the decision.

Horrified reaction

The ruling drew horrified reaction from across the political spectrum.

Centre-left deputies initiated an emergency debate in Parliament on Thursday afternoon.

"It's absurd. The Court of Appeal should be reminded of the existence of zippers," said Justice Ministry Undersecretary Maretta Scoca.

A female Supreme Court judge, Simonetta Sotgiu, hit out at her colleagues.

"The appeals court is in the hands of men, often elderly, with old-fashioned ideas. Every day I have to do battle to change the mentality," she said.

The head of an anti-crime telephone hotline said the service had been overwhelmed with calls from women worried about the implications of the "mediaeval" ruling.

"This decision is going to make it even harder for victims to take the step of pressing charges," said Giuliana dal Pozzo, president of the Telefono Rosa (Red Telephone) helpline.

Conviction quashed

The appeal to the Supreme Court - Italy's supreme judicial body - was brought by a driving instructor, Carmine Cristiano.

He had been sentenced to 34 months' in jail for raping an 18-year-old pupil by a lower court in the southern town of Potenza.

His defence had argued that the young woman - identified as Rosa - had consented to sex, a version of events which she strongly denied.

The Supreme Court ruled that it was impossible to remove a pair of jeans "without the collaboration of the person wearing them", and that the young woman must therefore have consented to sex.

10:29 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Feb 17 2006 Italy needs help

talian court: Not a virgin? Sex crimes aren't as serious

Mussolini's granddaughter slams all-male court after recent rulings
Friday, February 17, 2006; Posted: 8:21 p.m. EST (01:21 GMT)

Alessandra Mussolini was one of many who slammed the Italian court after the ruling.

What Is This? ROME, Italy (Reuters) -- Sexually abusing a teenager is less serious a crime if the girl is not a virgin, Italy's higher court said on Friday in a controversial ruling that immediately drew a barrage of criticism.

The court ruled in favor of a man in his forties, identified only as Marco T., who forced his 14-year old stepdaughter to have oral sex with him after she refused intercourse.

The man, who has been sentenced to three years and four months in jail, lodged an appeal arguing that the fact that his stepdaughter had had sex with men before should have been taken into consideration during his trial as a mitigating factor.

The supreme court agreed, saying that because of her previous sexual experiences, the victim's "personality, from a sexual point of view, is much more developed than what would be normally expected of a girl of her age".

"It is therefore fair to argue that (the damage for the victim) would be lower" if the abused girl was not a virgin, Italian news agencies quoted the court as saying.

This means the man could now be handed a lighter sentence.

News of the ruling immediately drew fire.

"I think we have gone back 50 years," said Maria Gabriella Carnieri Moscatelli, head of the Telefono Rosa association that helps sexually abused women.

"It is inconceivable that such a serious crime that ruins the life of a woman, irrespective of her age, might be considered in a different light depending on whether she is a virgin," she said.

Female politicians from across the political spectrum also strongly condemned the court's decision.

"This is a shameful, devastating ruling," said Alessandra Mussolini, grand-daughter of wartime fascist dictator Benito Mussolini. "The real problem is that there are no women in the supreme court."

Luana Zanella of the Greens opposition party called the court's arguments "abominable".

The supreme court is no stranger to controversial judgments.

In recent years it has ruled that "an isolated and impulsive" pat on a woman's buttocks at work did not constitute sexual harassment, and returned a verdict that a woman could not have been raped because she was wearing skin-tight jeans.

Copyright 2006 Reuters. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

well put David Cross

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Hi everybody!

The following is a letter I wrote after picking up Git-R-Done - The Larry The Cable Guy Story (ghost written by Susan Sontag). I have to warn you that it's nearly 11 pages long. But I think it's chock full of life lessons for all of us and if you're not careful... you just might learn something!

An open letter to Larry The Cable Guy:

Hello Larry,

It's me, David Cross. Recently I was shooting something for my friends at "Wonder Showzen" (the funniest, most subversive comedy on American T.V. at the moment) and when we were taking a break one of the guys on the show asked me if I had seen some article in something somewhere wherein you were interviewed to promote your new book "Please-Git-R-Done" (published by Crown Books $23.95 U.S.) and they asked about your devoting a chapter to slamming me and the "P.C. Left". Since I stopped following your career shortly after you stopped going on stage wearing a tool belt with cable wrapped around your neck (around your appearance at "Laffs 'n' Food" in Enid, Oklahoma Aug 23-26 1999?) I said I wasn't aware of the article. They went on to tell me that you said basically (and I am not quoting but paraphrasing their recall) that I could kiss your ass, that I've never been to one of your shows (true) and that I didn't know your audience (untrue).

SO, I went and got your book, "Gitting-R-Donned", and excitedly skimmed past the joke about that one time you farted and something farty happened, on past the thing about the fat girl who farted and finally found it, . Well, needless to say I farted. I farted up a fartstorm right there in the Flyin' J Travel Center. I fartingly bought the book and took it home with an excitement I haven't experienced since I got Bertha Chudfarter's Grandma drunk and she took her teeth out and blew me as I was finger banging her while wearing a Jesus sock puppet in the back of the boiler room at The Church of the Redeemer off I-20 (I don't care who you are, that's funny.)

Anyhoo, I got home and read the good parts. It seems that you were pissed off at Rolling Stone magazine, and I can understand why. You made some good points in your argument as well. I agree that there is an eliteism and bias in the press and too often a writer will include asides to show the readers how smart he or she is and how "above it" they are. But come on! Surely you can't be surprised, or worse, hurt or offended by this. You even say in the book that you knew what you were getting into (Rolling Stone being all "lefty" and whatnot). Certainly I'm not surprised that they took a ten minute phone conversation with me and chose to print only the most inflammatory paragraph within it. That's what they do.

But I want to address some of the things you write about me in "Git-to-Gittin'-r-Done". In response to the Rolling Stone article, but first let me say this; you are very mistaken if you think that I don't know your audience. Hell, I could've been heckled by the parents of some of the very people that come see you now. I grew up in Roswell, Georgia (near the Funny Bone and not far from The Punch Line). The very first time I went on stage was at The Punch Line in Sandy Springs in 1982 when I was 17. I cut my teeth in the south and my first road gigs ever were in Augusta, Charleston, Baton Rouge, and Louisville. I remember them very well, specifically because of the audience. I remember thinking (occasionally, not all the time) "what a bunch of dumb redneck, easily entertained, ignorant motherfuckers. I can't believe the stupid shit they think is funny." So, yes, I do know your audience, and they suck. And they're simple. And please don't mistake this as coming from a place of bitterness because I didn't "make it" there or, I'm not as successful as you because that's not it at all. Since I was a kid I've always been a little over sensitive to the glorification and rewarding of dumb. The "salt of the earth, regular, every day folk" (or lowest common denominator) who see the world, and the people like me in it, as on some sort of secular mission to take away their flag lapels and plaster-of-paris jesus television adornments strike me as childishly paranoid. But perhaps the funniest (oddest) thing in your book is you taking me to task for being P.C. Have you heard my act?! I'll match your un-P.C.ness any day of the week my friend. I truly believe, and have said onstage amongst other things that, orthodox Jews are bar none, the most annoying people, as a group, that walk this earth. I absolutely refuse to say the term "African-American". It's a ridiculous and ill-applied label that was accepted with a thoughtless rush just to make white people feel at ease and slightly noble. I also believe that in the right setting that, as unfortunate as it may be, retarded people can be a near constant source of entertainment (fact!). Larry, whether northern, southern, straight, gay, male, female, liberal, conservative, Christian or Jew, I've walked them all. It didn't matter if it was a room full of "enlightened" hippie lesbian wicans at Catch A Rising Star in Cambridge, MA or literally hundreds of students at the University of St. Louis (a Jesuit school) or a roomful of the cutest, angriest frat boys in Baton Rouge all threatening to beat me up, I un-P.C.'d the shit out of them. That's another thing that bothers me too. I honestly believe that if we had worked a week together at whatever dumb-ass club in American Strip Mall ..298347 in God's Country U.S.A and hung out that week and got good and drunk after the shows, that you and I would've been making each other laugh (I imagine we would have politely disagreed on a few things) but not only would we be laughing but we'd often be laughing at the expense of some of the audience members at that nights show and you know it. I'll address your easy, bullshit sanctimonious "don't mess with my audience" crap further on. But for now, let's "Gittle-R-Ding-Dong-Done!"

Okay, here's what I said in the RS interview: "He's good at what he does. It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor -- which people like in America - all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

You took umbrage at my calling a lot of your act anti-gay and racist and said that "...according to Cross and the politically correct police, any white comedians who mention the word 'black' or say something humorous but faintly negative about any race are racists."

Well, first of all, your act is racist. Maybe not all the time, but it certainly can be. Here, let me quote you back, word for word, some of your "faintly negative" humor and I'll let people judge for themselves.

Re: Abu Ghraib Torture -

"Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something!"

Re: Having a Muslim cleric give the opening prayer at the Republican Convention -

"What the hell is this the cartoon network? The Republicans had a muslim give the opening prayer at there (sic) convention! What the hell's going on around here! Is Muslim now the official religion of the United States!... First these peckerheads ( Ironically, "peckerhead" was a derogatory word slaves and their offspring used to describe white people) fly planes into towers and now theys (sic) prayin' before conventions! People say not all of em did that and I say who gives a rats fat ass! That's a fricken slap in the face to New York city by having some muslim sum-bitch give the invocation at the republican convention! This country pretty much bans the Christian religion (the religion of George Washington and John Wayne) virtually from anything public and then they got us watchin' this muslim BS!! Ya wanna pray to allah then drag yer flea infested ass over to where they pray to allah at!" End Quote. So... yeah. There you go. This quote goes on and on but my favorite part is when you say towards the end, " look, I love all people (except terrorist countries that want to kill us)..."

There are numerous examples and I don't think I need to reprint any more. You get the idea. Oh, what the hell, here's one more - "They're dead, get over it! Poor little sandy asses! I'm sure all them dead folks'd they'd killed give 40 shekels or whatever kinda money these inbred sumbitches use, but I'd give 40 of 'em whatever it is to be humiliated instead of dead!"

Okay Larry The Cable Guy, I will ignore the irony of a big ole southern redneck character actually using "inbred" as an insult, as well as the fact that a shekel is currency from Israel, the towel heads sworn enemy. But at least you're passionate about what you see as inhumane injustice (not on a global level of course, but on a national level) and the simple black and white of what's right and what's wrong. It's kinda like you're this guy who speaks for all these poor, unfortunate souls out there who wear shirts with blue collars on them, work hard all day to put food on the table for their family (unlike people who wear shirts with white collars or wear scrubs or t-shirts or dresses or costumes that consist of flannel shirts with the sleeves cut-off and old trucker hats) and pray to the American Flag of Jesus to protect them from the evils of muslims, queers, illegal immigrants, and the liberal jews who run Hollywood and the media. I guess one could say that you're "telling it like it is". And considering the vast amount of over-simplification you employ to describe with sweeping generalizations, all of America and the World that "don't make no sense to you", as well as your lack of sensitivity, and second grade grammar, one might be led to think that you are somewhat proud of not appearing (or being) too intellectual. Combine that with your sucker appeal to the knee-jerk white Christian patriot in us all who would much rather hear 87 fart jokes than hear a joke in which the President (the current one, not the last one) or the Pope, or Born-Again Christians, or Lee Greenwood get called on their shit for being the hypocrites that they are, and I think we've got a winner!

About being Anti-Gay. I honestly take that back. I do not think that you are anti-gay, I didn't choose those words wisely. Your stuff isn't necessarily anti-gay but rather stupid and easy. "Madder than a queer with lock jaw on Valentines Day." That's not that funny, I don't care who you are. It's just sooo easy. I mean, over half the planet sucks dick so why gays? Why not truck stop whores, or Hollywood Starlets or housewives? Because when you say "queer" you get an easy laugh. End of story.

As for being a multi-millionaire in disguise, that's just merely a matter of personal taste for me. I do not begrudge you your money at all, it is sincerely hard earned and you deserve whatever people want to give to you. What sticks in my craw about that stuff is the blatant and (again, personal taste) gross marketing and selling of this bullshit character to your beloved fans. Now look, if someone wants to pay top dollar to come to one of your shows and then drop a couple hundred more on "Git-R-Done" lighters and hats and t-shirts and windshield stickers and trailer hitches and beer koozies and fishing hats and shot glasses etc, then good for you. I just think it's a little crass and belies the "good ole boy" blue collar thing you represent. But that's no big deal.

Now, as for the last statement that "We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

Well, I think that's true. When you can rally the troops (so to speak) with a lazy, "latte drinking, tofu eating" generalization of Liberals and "Back ass rag fags" to describe Arabs, then, yeah, I think that falls in the "ignorant" category. I think that with even the slightest attention to the double standard and hypocrisy of both the Left and the Right in this country (if not all of the Christian Extremists as a whole) coupled with the bullshit they lazily swallow and parrot back while happily ignoring the gross inhumane treatment of those that aren't them so that we may have cheap sneakers and oil and slightly less taxes (although I'm sure the bracket you're in now gives you a ton of tax money back), then you could maybe see my point. Now here's the best part - in your book you preface the above quote by saying, "...but I guess I'm not as intellectual as David Cross. In that Rolling Stone article, he sure showed us what a deep thinker he is by sayin' "America is in a stage of vague intellectual pride." Jesus Christ can you even fucking read?! Whoever read that article to you butchered the actual quote. The quote that was right fucking in front of their face! I would fire your official reader and have them replaced with a Hooters Girl who doesn't fart. That way you have something nice to look at while you are getting your misinformation.

As for "anti-intellectual pride", that is Larry The Cable Guy in spades. Let me quote you again (from an on-line interview, "I consider my jokes to be very jeuvinille (sic). Stuff a 14 year old would laugh at because that's the ...sence (sic) of humor I have.". Hmmm, okay. That was easy.

Well, I suppose I've already covered part of that in the above. But you also specifically dumb down your speech while making hundreds of purposefully grammatical errors. How do I know this? It's on page 17 of your book wherein you describe how you would "Larry" up your commentaries for radio. What does it mean to "Larry" something up? Take a wild guess. The reason you feel the need to "Larry" something up? Because you are not that dumb. I mean you, Dan Whitney, the guy who's name the bank account is under. You were born and raised in Nebraska (hardly The South), went to private school and moved to Florida when you were 16. This is when you developed your accent?! Not exactly the developmental years are they? At age 16 that's the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to adopt. Did you hire a voice coach? Or were you like one of those people who go to England for a week and come back sounding like an extra from "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"? As you said yourself in an interview once, "I can pop in and out of it pretty much whenever I want". In your book on page 89 you say in reference to the "gee-shucks" millionaire comment, "...see, to his (David's) mind, bein' well paid means I'm no longer real and I can't be a country boy anymore. It's just an act." Hey, it's always been an act! That's my fucking point! You admit it yourself so cut the indignation shit. And I am in no way deriding your work ethic. You clearly have more fart jokes than most and for that I applaud you. You go on to talk about how hard you work and life on the road and living on Waffle House and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all been there and played shitty, degrading gigs and sacrificed etc, etc. Then you say, "...this (the personal attack) was different because David basically hammered my fans in that RS article by implying that they were ignorant. He crossed the line when he railed against them, so I had to tell ya what I felt about that. He can hammer me all he wants, but when he screwed with my fans, it was time for me to say something." Aww, that's so sweet and egregious. I can't stand that fan ass kissing bullshit. You and Dane Cook ought to get together and have a "my-fan's-are-the-greatest-people-on-earth-and-that's-why-I-do-this" off. You could both sell a shit load of merch too. But having said that, I would truly love to get some of your fans and my fans in a room together to debate some of the finer points on comedy, music, culture, the issues facing our country today and just about anything else we might find worthy of discussion. My fans are pretty smart as well. They are also, I imagine, as "hard-working" as your fans. Not all of them of course, but most. And I'm sure that they may come up with some genuinely interesting, insightful points (and would do so without spouting a bunch of meaningless Christian platitudes). And if you really, truly want to respect your fans, lower your ticket price as well as the price of your ubiquitous merchandise. I'm sure all those hard-working Americans could use the extra money now that the budgets are being cut drastically from Transportation, Education, Health and Human Services, HUD, Dept of the Interior, EPA, Farm Service Agency, FEMA, Agricultural, FDA, VA, FDA, FHA, National Center for Environmental Health, and numerous other departments and agencies that they might directly rely on for help. All so that we can pay off this massive tax cut during "war" time that we're all getting (them not so much though). Oh well, that's just one of those "political" things that I think about occasionally.

Anyway, I just wanted to address the stuff you wrote about me and clear some things up. Mostly the air around here... I just farted!!!!!


David Cross

May 11, DJ tips!

Body: DJs ARE EXPERT MIND READERS - well i am, but whos keeping tracl? cb

When requesting a song from the DJ, just say "play my song", or "it goes
something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our
heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who
ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague,
we love the challenge.

If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.

DJs know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be
... it helps jog the memory.

If a DJ tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either
forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing
a few words for the DJ. Any words.

It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per
set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated
hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as
well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best
way to jog a DJ’s memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of
"Personal Friend Of The DJ."

DJs are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their
shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do
once they arrive. A DJ's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so
don't let them off the hook easily.Your request is all that matters.

If a trance DJ had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next DJ that
follows will automatically know every trance tune the previous DJ ever
played, even if the current DJ is a house or jungle DJ. It's the law.

Feel free to yell Tupac or Biggie!! to a DJ that plays strictly house for
(or if a punk rock dance DJ be sure to ask over and over again for some top forty rap that will be played the next night at the same club)


When an DJ leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in
both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head
securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an invitation to a
friendly & playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands.
Don't give up! Hang on until the DJ submits.

DJs are protected by their equipment, & only play the game
when tricked into coming out from behind their turntables. Though difficult
to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially
vulnerable during mixing songs.


The best time to discuss anything with the DJ in any meaningful way is when
he is in the mix. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny
voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. DJs are expert
lip readers too. If a DJ does not reply to your question or comment
during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in
order to read your lips.

Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the
words with your lips. This helps immensely.Don't be fooled.

DJs have the innate ability to answer questions & mix at the same
time. If the DJ doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless
of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely
ignoring you.

If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.


If you inform the DJ that you are a DJ, the DJ will appreciate your
help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on
stage. Simply feel free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the
drunker you are, the better you sound.

Keep in mind that nothing assists the DJ more than
outrageous dancing, or a tambourine played out of tempo.
Try the congas, they love the challenge. The DJ always needs the help &
will take this as a compliment.


As a last resort, wait until the DJ takes a break and then get on stage
and start playing their records. They love this. Even if you are
ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have
successfully completed your audition. The club owner will call you
Immediately the following day to offer you a position.

See you at the next gig ...
Thanks to Phantom 45™ for this one!

a day in the life of a republican


Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water for his
morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
commie liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, Joe takes his daily medications
His medications are safe to take because some evil lefty bomb-throwers
fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of Joe's medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan
because some fire-breathing lazy ass union workers fought their employers for
paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. Never would he turn it down.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat
because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In his morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly
labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because
some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his ZZZbody
and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep
breath. The air he breathes is healthy because some environmentalist wacko
troublemaking militant fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

Then Joe walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work.
It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because
some fancy-pants limp-wristed freethinkng asshole fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some fire-breathing
Viet Cong-loving union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these high standards because Joe's employer doesn't want
his employees to call the union in. So Joe benefits from what others have gained.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a workers
compensation or unemployment check because some stupid pinko troublemakers
didn't think Joe should lose his home because of a temporary misfortune.

At noontime Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills.
Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal
red wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the
banking system before the Great Depression. He can thank that Stalinist
Franklin D. Roosevelt for that.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market
federal student loan because some elitist pointy-headed liberal decided that Joe
and the whole society would be better off if he was educated and earned
more money over his lifetime. That's okay, but the bastards tricked him
because he has to pay taxes. Bush will fix that, he tells himself.

Joe gets home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his
farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the
safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car
safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to
live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some
big-government New Deal Stalinist liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong
and demanded rural electrification.

Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating
Marxist made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show.
The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are
good. He doesn't mention that over the decades the beloved Republicans
have fought to defeat every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.

Joe agrees with the talk-radio loudmouth: "We don't need those big-government
liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man and a good Republican
and I believe all Americans should take care of themselves, just like I have!"

Sunday, September 12, 2004

What a trip part one: The Ending aka the punch line is better than the set up.

It was getting late and we only had three days left in our trip. Erin will write this better than i by the by. So we are just north of SF and it is getting late. I am tired of driving. we started early and it was now almost ten. We hadn't eaten since about eleven am. So i started to speed. we were going 80 mph. a deer runs out. I swerve left then right. we start to slide i correct one way than another. I don't hit the deer but instead smash right into the fucking guard rail. we stay calm fix the blown right tire. everything seems fine...of fuck whats that noise. the car gets us the mile into the next town. we check into a hotel that not even hookers would take their "dates" to. In the morning I go out side and the spare tire is flat. That is when erin says " what the fuck!!!" that is what made her mad.

the short and long of it is that we switched hotels and stayed in the town of Cloverdale for two and a half days. I HATE DEERS!!!!!!!!!!! at least we got drunk.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Mikala's Fiend...DYLAN'S Head.

This weekend was the Capitol Hill Block Party. I got up early to get to see the first band of the day. BULLET TRAIN TO VEGAS. a very awesome band, indeed. Much like all my favorite of the post punk/mathy/screamo or whatever it is being called this week. they def take cues from drive like jehu and a slew of other bands. its very danceable.

For a couple of hours after their set I played host and missed most everybody else that day. I caught most of AKIMBO who blasted my head off, some of Pretty Girls... and did not see any of MIX-A-LOT... Cuz i had to go see the Muppet movie playing at the outdoor theater in fremont.

fast forward to the next day. Same stage different band. Mikala's Fiend at the Vera at 3pm. The set is going really well for these kids. During a breakdown in one of the songs Donnie, the bands drummer, hands me a tamborine. I commence in rallying the pit with my playing of the percusive instrument. OH SHIT I fall and hit my head on a moniter. I think I am OK...whats that blood like substance i feel in my hair. Oh yeah its blood. I soaked it up with a bandana and sat down. an hour later i went to the Urgent Care at Group Health.

This is how i spent my weekend. To top it off I am acting even slower and more retarded than when the weekend started.

long live spazzy hardcore noise bands.


Tuesday, July 13, 2004

STRT SPRX last review in MRR

what a great review:

"STRT SPRX play lo-fi keyboard led rock. THe tempo is mostly slow, and the vocals are loud. The singing styles vary, with mostly a "narrator" voice as the primary vocalist. They have many different styles of shouting for the back ups. They sound like a party band, and include retro early 90's jokes (homage to Nation of Uylsses, etc.)..."

Sunday, February 22, 2004

DJ Bring that Beat back aka the birth of DJ Jew-k Boxx

last night i was the dj for a party at Castle Greyskul. The party went til 4 am. It was a fucking blast and the people dug it. I found my new hobby and my new name.

Jew-k Boxx

how punk rock is that for a DJ name.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

so you say its your birthday...

I flew in yesterday from Omaha, Ne yesterday. Just in time for my brothers birthday. We took my parents to the Cha Cha early. It was pretty funny. Now they know where we drink.

Gabe and I returned there later that night. It was a reunion of sorts as a bunch of old heads came out of the wood work. All of the Unabombers were there minus miles. It was a good time. And if hangovers are anyway to rate last night....It was a doozey of a time.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Dec 11, 2003

Last night was my 15min. My episode of the 5th Wheel aired. Boy oh Boy! They played up the gay angle with me. It was great fun. To see just how boring everyone came off. Oh well 100 dollars to do the show 300 dollars for my suit....It was all worth it.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Dec 11, 2003

Last night was my 15min. My episode of the 5th Wheel aired. Boy oh Boy! They played up the gay angle with me. It was great fun. To see just how boring everyone came off. Oh well 100 dollars to do the show 300 dollars for my suit....It was all worth it.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

On tour with Bullet Train To Vegas

I have hit the road with Bullet Train twice and it has been fun. here is one of many pics.

new blog

This is my new blog. I am trying to get off myspace but need a new spot to put my various thoughts and tour dates. My first couple of blogs will just be my best of from myspace.